“Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands...What do your friends and family members think of him?
“Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.
“Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother. (I’ve known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)
“Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: ‘You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.’ My father fell about laughing.
“A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.’ The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive.
“Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.
“Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women.
“Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous?
"After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: 'But you've eliminated everyone!'
"Life is unfair."
- Dowd, Maureen. "An Ideal Husband," The New York Times, 6 July 2008
